One of my favorite quotes of all time is from the Oscar Wilde play The Importance of Being Earnest, that quote is “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance”. At first glance most people merely find this quote humorous and rather vain, but in all honesty its rather smart. I know I joke a lot about being single, find that one of my most used hashtags on twitter is #ForeverAlone, and I would very much like to be done with the weeding out the terrible guys and find The One already, but even with these these slight annoyances in my life I’m actually quite happy, don’t get me wrong I still have my moments, but for the most part I am a pretty happy person. I think the main reason I am happy even though I am all “alone” is that I honestly do love myself. Some people cringe to say things like that, I was one of those people just a couple of years ago, I had scarcely any self-esteem and was so eager to have a relationship. During the time I had zip confidence just so happens to be the same time I attracted some really awful guys, talk about heartbreak, having no confidence and have someone who you thought was wonderful treat you with no concern certainly can damage you further. But I learned from my mistakes and have essentially been uninterested in guys since then, of course there is the random cute cashier, jogger, etc that catches my eye, but no one has captured my interest. I am good deal more discriminating and a heck of a lot more confident. Keep in mind it wasn’t an overnight transformation, but everyone can learn to love themselves better. I didn’t like my body (too fat) and since I could change it I did, nothing like a bit of yoga and healthy eating to change your shape, I also used to hate my nose, thought it was too big, then I thought what could I do about it? I could have surgery to change it as drastic as that may seem, but then I thought even if I could change it to a perfect little nose would it suit me? No it wouldn’t, God knew what he was doing so I should leave well enough alone. Then began the real work, dealing with the internal issues, we all have baggage and we all need to learn to let go of what’s hurting us. Most of my baggage was self inflicted, for the most part people were kind to me, my lack of confidence came from me tearing myself down, I was my own worst “mean girl”. Learning to love myself was not quick but it was definitely worth it. Remember to be kind and to extend grace to yourself, because if you’re not even kind to you can you really expect anyone else to? I know this post is beyond sappy but I felt as though I should write it regardless of me sounding like a preachy life coach. So all of you singles who are reading my blog let’s start our lifelong romance with ourselves, Valentines is coming up so be your own valentine. Do you want flowers? Buy some for yourself? Want a steak dinner? Make it happen! Been wanting a certain gift? What better day than Valentines to buy it? You’re unattached so it’s not as though you need to buy something for boyfriend or girlfriend, so splurge and buy yourself that camera, shoes, tv, or whatever it is you’ve been eyeballing! Honestly this is even good advice for those of you who are in relationships, by loving yourself better you also love those around you better. So let us all be little kinder hmmm? You guys are the best, and I hope you all enjoyed this post. Happy Monday and wish you all a Happy Valentines too.
Being a single person you can certainly get bombarded with clichés. There are the “supportive you’ll find someone eventually” clichés… It will happen when you least expect it, or just stop looking and they’ll find you. Then there are the other clichés, “the not so hopeful relationships are overrated” clichés, trust me you’re not missing out on anything, or it’s better because you don’t have to care. I don’t have to care? Are you kidding me? Honestly the main pit fall for single persons is that we care too much! We so desperately want to love someone and have them love us we jump heart first! The results are almost always disastrous! Falling too hard and too fast is something that is glorified in movies, books, and music, yet is completely inappropriate, and honestly horrifying for the other person in real life.
Too hard too fast!!!
I certainly know a thing or two about falling too hard and too fast. My first experience with this was probably around the age of 15, horrible age no? He was older, cooler, seemed to like me too, and was oh so cute. We talked a long while, and it seemed like he should make a move any day now and ask me out. Well he didn’t, he ignored me completely, then got himself a girlfriend (weird enough she sort of looked like me). I was crushed! I wondered what I did wrong, why didn’t he like me, and all the other things that cross a heartbroken 15 year olds mind. I eventually realized what he did was downright rude and I was much better off without him.
I wasn’t this mean…I just thought it was really funny.
Then I was around 18 and a new guy came along…he was older, cooler, and crazy cute too. He and I talked a lot, sending messages to each other basically every other day, sharing our likes and dislikes, telling story after story, and asking question after question. I just “knew” things would work out for me this time, how could they not? He obviously liked me and we had soooo much in common! Well surprise surprise, things didn’t work out. He too gradually alienated me, no explanation, just a complete shut out. I was crushed again and couldn’t believe it! How could this be? We were so perfect for each other! Well this one took a long while to get over, ice cream and cookies were consumed, tears fell, and sad country songs were sung..horribly I might add, but I did eventually get over him. I realized it was through no fault of my own that things didn’t work out. I mean it hurt as bad as it did partly because I cared “too much”. But it wasn’t all my fault, and that felt great to know.
There have since been guys that caught my attention, as well as a bit of my heart. But obviously since I am still single it’s safe to say no relationship has worked out yet. I’m fine with it though, I really truly am! This doesn’t mean I have given up on the idea of eventually finding someone, it’s just I’m perfectly happy with my life. I don’t get anywhere near as devastated when things don’t go the way I wanted them too. Being single is not the worst thing in the world…the worst thing in the world is not knowing you own worth. I realized that’s why I had hurt so much when I was let down. I thought that it had must’ve been my fault. When in reality it wasn’t. I’m not saying that every relationship failure you have is not your fault, what I am saying though is learn from that experience, and know what you have to offer. Know your own worth, and enjoy your life to the fullest whether you’re with someone or not. I can expect to have my heartbroken a few more times because well… that’s life. But in the meantime I will be living it to the fullest, and will not be measuring my success in life by relationship status.
What are some of the heartaches you’ve gone through? How did you get over them? Are you currently in the process of getting over someone? I would love some feedback on the topic, hearing from you guys is always a highlight of my day! Hope you all enjoyed the post, and wishing you all a very happy Monday!
We as people are an inquisitive oh let’s just face it were actually a nosey group. I mean the first thing we do when we meet someone is ask a lot of questions, whats your name? how old are you? do you go to school? do you go to work? Now in my opinion none of this is too personal or prying, in fact it’s quite polite, it gives the two of you something to talk about. The one question I seem to have a problem with is “So are you seeing anyone?” I don’t actually have a problem with this one, so much as I do with the inevitable questions that follow it when you say “no”. Questions like Do you want to be single? Well why do you think you’re still single? Have you ever dated? and so on and so on. Then after you have survived the firing squad of questions then come some statements (I have yet to determine if they are well-intentioned or just insulting) statements such as well that’s ok, you have plenty of time, you have nothing to worry about, or the worst you are so brave. Brave REALLY? come on!
(look at me facing the world on my own I am so brave)
And it’s not just people you first meet that ask these ever so delicate questions, a lot of the time its family, I may be an exception to the norm because my mother doesn’t really care about my relationship status, the people who care are my brothers! Really Really? You two are the same brothers that chased guys away from me? pushed them around when they talked to me? and acted like you were my own personal body guards right? And now you have a sudden interest in me finding someone?
(So you like my sister? *cocks gun*)
There is nothing wrong with being single and there is nothing wrong with being in a relationship (just so long as it’s a healthy relationship) I will be single until I meet someone who changes my mind about how nice it is to be alone. So who are the types of guys that could change my mind? prehaps…
So as I go over my blog post I can’t help but feel I have a problem, everyone I suggested that could change my mind is about 20 years older than me and most likely already seeing someone or married. Looks like I am going to be single for a while then and “that’s ok”! Hahaha. Hope this post made laugh or smile. Happy Monday!!!