One of my favorite quotes of all time is from the Oscar Wilde play The Importance of Being Earnest, that quote is “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance”. At first glance most people merely find this quote humorous and rather vain, but in all honesty its rather smart. I know I joke a lot about being single, find that one of my most used hashtags on twitter is #ForeverAlone, and I would very much like to be done with the weeding out the terrible guys and find The One already, but even with these these slight annoyances in my life I’m actually quite happy, don’t get me wrong I still have my moments, but for the most part I am a pretty happy person. I think the main reason I am happy even though I am all “alone” is that I honestly do love myself. Some people cringe to say things like that, I was one of those people just a couple of years ago, I had scarcely any self-esteem and was so eager to have a relationship. During the time I had zip confidence just so happens to be the same time I attracted some really awful guys, talk about heartbreak, having no confidence and have someone who you thought was wonderful treat you with no concern certainly can damage you further. But I learned from my mistakes and have essentially been uninterested in guys since then, of course there is the random cute cashier, jogger, etc that catches my eye, but no one has captured my interest. I am good deal more discriminating and a heck of a lot more confident. Keep in mind it wasn’t an overnight transformation, but everyone can learn to love themselves better. I didn’t like my body (too fat) and since I could change it I did, nothing like a bit of yoga and healthy eating to change your shape, I also used to hate my nose, thought it was too big, then I thought what could I do about it? I could have surgery to change it as drastic as that may seem, but then I thought even if I could change it to a perfect little nose would it suit me? No it wouldn’t, God knew what he was doing so I should leave well enough alone. Then began the real work, dealing with the internal issues, we all have baggage and we all need to learn to let go of what’s hurting us. Most of my baggage was self inflicted, for the most part people were kind to me, my lack of confidence came from me tearing myself down, I was my own worst “mean girl”. Learning to love myself was not quick but it was definitely worth it. Remember to be kind and to extend grace to yourself, because if you’re not even kind to you can you really expect anyone else to? I know this post is beyond sappy but I felt as though I should write it regardless of me sounding like a preachy life coach. So all of you singles who are reading my blog let’s start our lifelong romance with ourselves, Valentines is coming up so be your own valentine. Do you want flowers? Buy some for yourself? Want a steak dinner? Make it happen! Been wanting a certain gift? What better day than Valentines to buy it? You’re unattached so it’s not as though you need to buy something for boyfriend or girlfriend, so splurge and buy yourself that camera, shoes, tv, or whatever it is you’ve been eyeballing! Honestly this is even good advice for those of you who are in relationships, by loving yourself better you also love those around you better. So let us all be little kinder hmmm? You guys are the best, and I hope you all enjoyed this post. Happy Monday and wish you all a Happy Valentines too.
You know in social situations how you filter what you’re going to say more so than hanging with family or best friends? Well I try, I really do, but the problem is responses are expected in a timely manner, so my filter doesn’t work that well with time restraints…and certainly not when I am around guys. It’s not so much that I get flustered (I’m not that girl) I think it just comes from growing up with brothers. I’ve spent my entire life around guys, my brothers and their friends. So I essentially learned to be one of the guys, I mean I am a girly girl in most respects. But my whole, let’s see who can burp the loudest, batman is the greatest hero of all time, and if the opportunity arises to tease someone you take it, thing cancels out the girly! Most guys say they want a girl who can hang with the guys, but I’m pretty sure this is a lie, having guy say “you’re just like a dude” never ends in “so let’s have dinner sometime”.
I thought I might give you some examples of my man repellent ways. I was at a concert and a guy walked up to me and some of my friends, he was selling band posters, and he tried to get me to buy one, but I hadn’t any money so I said no. Then he tried to sell some to the friends I was with, they politely said no and complimented him, one said she liked his beard and the other said she liked his shirt. Seriously it never even occurred to me to compliment him to soften the flat-out no he received. Well instead of walking away he looked at me and said “You’re the only one who hasn’t complimented me” wow he gave me a chance to redeem myself and what did I say? I said “You’re pushy…your sales tactics will get you far”. Admittedly he responded quite well to this he gave me high-five and we’re actually friends now. But most guys who have similar encounters with me do not respond as well.
Another not so charming encounter that comes to mind is when I was at birthday party of a friend. Well one of guys she invited sauntered up to me after a while and used the oh so “original” line”Hey I know you right?” Well my mind went into overdrive trying to find something polite to say. I couldn’t think of anything so I just said “No…I don’t think so”. He literally took a step back stammered then said “Ugh ya I mean she just has so many friends so um ya”. Seriously there were so many other polite things I could have said but I cannot come up with anything because I am truly gifted in killing any flirtatious mood.
At this very birthday party I managed to make a complete fool of myself again. At the end of the evening one of the guys I met, and had actually managed to get along with through the party, said that it was nice meeting me and that I was very beautiful. I did my ugly laugh (seriously I cannot even describe how terrible this laugh sounds) then managed a smile and said thank you. I wasn’t laughing to be mean, I just have a really hard time accepting a compliment without getting all embarrassed.
Honestly I think this post does a pretty good job at telling people why I am still single, so the next time someone asks me I’ll just direct them to this post. Do you guys have similar issues? What are some of your worst kill the mood moments? I always love hearing back from you guys. I hope you enjoyed this post and that you’re having a very happy February.
This one’s for the guys!Seems like I am a little out of my league here huh? I’m single, so who am I to tell people how to date? Well like the old saying goes “Those who can’t do, teach”. I am also a girl so who am I to tell guys what to do? Consider this, wouldn’t you want a sneak peek at your opponents play book? Think of my mind as the play book for girls. Of course I cannot speak for all girls, but me and my friends all seem to agree on these things.
Tip 1. Be a gentleman.
Seriously I shouldn’t even have to say this. Being a gentleman is something one does all the time, not just when they are trying to win over some girl. I have heard guys say “Well I will be a gentleman when she is a lady” congratulations two wrongs totally make a right, you’re so smart…Except that you are not, a true gentleman will be the same towards unclassy females as he is to royalty! There is nothing more attractive in my eyes than a man with real manners and morals! So stay classy 😉
Tip 2. When we say we want a sensitive man we do not mean that we want a cry baby.
Honestly this is where I find myself having a lot of trouble with guys, they can be really great guys and fun to be around (for the most part) but they have a tendency to be a tad too emotional for my liking. When we say someone sensitive, we mean we want a guy who is sensitive to how he ought to act during certain situations. Like if we are having an ugly day, we want a guy who sensitive enough to not make a crack about our appearance. Not someone who crumbles, when during a verbal sparring match, you one up him. I have brothers and I grew up around guys mostly, so sarcastic comments are how I respond most of the time, just think of how when you were little if you liked a girl you picked on her relentlessly, it’s essentially the same way I operate 😉 If a man cannot handle a joke he certainly cannot handle the difficulties life throws at couples, so said man shall be passed over.
Tip 3. Know the difference between arrogance and confidence.
Arrogance is defined as : An attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.
Confidence is defined as : Faith or belief that one will act in right, proper, or effective way.
Arrogance is tiresome to be around, and confidence is not only a joy to be around it is also inspiring to be around. So which of the two would you rather be, tiresome or joyfully inspiring?
tip 4. Be straightforward.
Now of course do not be scary and say something like I want to father your children, because it could very well land you prison, or at the very least leave you with a face full of mace. But seriously if you like someone just ask them out. Faint heart never one fair lady is cheesy and overused but it’s quite true. Just sitting around hoping that she will one day realize how much you like her is not a good plan…Honestly even if she does know she probably wont do anything about it, because a guy is the one who is supposed to be the pursuer! But that’s old-fashioned and anti-feminist! Yes exactly, and who tends to be the best examples of happy couples? The elderly, those who were raised with old-fashioned morals. Take cue from them, after all the worse thing that could happen is that she will say no, and you wont date her, but honestly not asking her out is producing the same result as a no.
Tip 5. Possibly one of the most cliché tips of all time…Be yourself!
Look I know its cliché but has anyone ever heard of an imitation that was as valuable as the original? No! It may also seem contradictory to end a blog where I have been telling you what to do with “be yourself” but all of my tips were honestly about making you the best you possible. It’s like exercise, you’re still the same person, but you have improved what you were born with. You cannot be happy in a relationship if you are not first happy with yourself. I am well aware that all of this sounds like an episode of Oprah, were we all get in touch with our emotions, and its all kind of sickening, but its true. So love yourself or I will punch you in the face haha 😉
I hope you all enjoyed this post, and if you have any feedback or advice that you would like to share, please do. I love to hear from you all. Have a happy Halloween, and for those of you not celebrating Happy Wednesday!!!
Being a single person you can certainly get bombarded with clichés. There are the “supportive you’ll find someone eventually” clichés… It will happen when you least expect it, or just stop looking and they’ll find you. Then there are the other clichés, “the not so hopeful relationships are overrated” clichés, trust me you’re not missing out on anything, or it’s better because you don’t have to care. I don’t have to care? Are you kidding me? Honestly the main pit fall for single persons is that we care too much! We so desperately want to love someone and have them love us we jump heart first! The results are almost always disastrous! Falling too hard and too fast is something that is glorified in movies, books, and music, yet is completely inappropriate, and honestly horrifying for the other person in real life.
Too hard too fast!!!
I certainly know a thing or two about falling too hard and too fast. My first experience with this was probably around the age of 15, horrible age no? He was older, cooler, seemed to like me too, and was oh so cute. We talked a long while, and it seemed like he should make a move any day now and ask me out. Well he didn’t, he ignored me completely, then got himself a girlfriend (weird enough she sort of looked like me). I was crushed! I wondered what I did wrong, why didn’t he like me, and all the other things that cross a heartbroken 15 year olds mind. I eventually realized what he did was downright rude and I was much better off without him.
I wasn’t this mean…I just thought it was really funny.
Then I was around 18 and a new guy came along…he was older, cooler, and crazy cute too. He and I talked a lot, sending messages to each other basically every other day, sharing our likes and dislikes, telling story after story, and asking question after question. I just “knew” things would work out for me this time, how could they not? He obviously liked me and we had soooo much in common! Well surprise surprise, things didn’t work out. He too gradually alienated me, no explanation, just a complete shut out. I was crushed again and couldn’t believe it! How could this be? We were so perfect for each other! Well this one took a long while to get over, ice cream and cookies were consumed, tears fell, and sad country songs were sung..horribly I might add, but I did eventually get over him. I realized it was through no fault of my own that things didn’t work out. I mean it hurt as bad as it did partly because I cared “too much”. But it wasn’t all my fault, and that felt great to know.
There have since been guys that caught my attention, as well as a bit of my heart. But obviously since I am still single it’s safe to say no relationship has worked out yet. I’m fine with it though, I really truly am! This doesn’t mean I have given up on the idea of eventually finding someone, it’s just I’m perfectly happy with my life. I don’t get anywhere near as devastated when things don’t go the way I wanted them too. Being single is not the worst thing in the world…the worst thing in the world is not knowing you own worth. I realized that’s why I had hurt so much when I was let down. I thought that it had must’ve been my fault. When in reality it wasn’t. I’m not saying that every relationship failure you have is not your fault, what I am saying though is learn from that experience, and know what you have to offer. Know your own worth, and enjoy your life to the fullest whether you’re with someone or not. I can expect to have my heartbroken a few more times because well… that’s life. But in the meantime I will be living it to the fullest, and will not be measuring my success in life by relationship status.
What are some of the heartaches you’ve gone through? How did you get over them? Are you currently in the process of getting over someone? I would love some feedback on the topic, hearing from you guys is always a highlight of my day! Hope you all enjoyed the post, and wishing you all a very happy Monday!