Learning from Oscar Wilde

One of my favorite quotes of all time is from the Oscar Wilde play The Importance of Being Earnest, that quote is “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance”. At first glance most people merely find this quote humorous and rather vain, but in all honesty its rather smart. I know I joke a lot about being single, find that one of my most used hashtags on twitter is #ForeverAlone, and I would very much like to be done with the weeding out the terrible guys and find The One already, but even with these these slight annoyances in my life I’m actually quite happy, don’t get me wrong I still have my moments, but for the most part I am a pretty happy person.  I think the main reason I am happy even though I am all “alone” is that I honestly do love myself. Some people cringe to say things like that, I was one of those people just a couple of years ago, I had scarcely any self-esteem and was so eager to have a relationship. During the time I had zip confidence just so happens to be the same time I attracted some really awful guys, talk about heartbreak, having no confidence and have someone who you thought was wonderful treat you with no concern certainly can damage you further. But I learned from my mistakes and have essentially been uninterested in guys since then, of course there is the random cute cashier, jogger, etc that catches my eye, but no one has captured my interest. I am good deal more discriminating and a heck of a lot more confident. Keep in mind it wasn’t an overnight transformation, but everyone can learn to love themselves better. I didn’t like my body (too fat) and since I could change it I did, nothing like a bit of yoga and healthy eating to change your shape, I also used to hate my nose, thought it was too big, then I thought what could I do about it? I could have surgery to change it as drastic as that may seem, but then I thought even if I could change it to a perfect little nose would it suit me? No it wouldn’t, God knew what he was doing so I should leave well enough alone. Then began the real work, dealing with the internal issues, we all have baggage and we all need to learn to let go of what’s hurting us. Most of my baggage was self inflicted, for the most part people were kind to me, my lack of confidence came from me tearing myself down, I was my own worst “mean girl”. Learning to love myself was not quick but it was definitely worth it. Remember to be kind and to extend grace to yourself, because if you’re not even kind to you can you really expect anyone else to? I know this post is beyond sappy but I felt as though I should write it regardless of me sounding like a preachy life coach. So all of you singles who are reading my blog let’s start our lifelong romance with ourselves, Valentines is coming up so be your own valentine. Do you want flowers? Buy some for yourself? Want a steak dinner? Make it happen! Been wanting a certain gift? What better day than Valentines to buy it? You’re unattached so it’s not as though you need to buy something for boyfriend or girlfriend, so splurge and buy yourself that camera, shoes, tv, or whatever it is you’ve been eyeballing! Honestly this is even good advice for those of you who are in relationships, by loving yourself better you also love those around you better. So let us all be little kinder hmmm? You guys are the best, and I hope you all enjoyed this post. Happy Monday and wish you all a Happy Valentines too.

My Life As A Man Repeller.

In honor of the always fast approaching, depression inducing, stress causing holiday Valentines, that is only a matter of days away. I thought I might share this wee little post with all of you.

You know in social situations how you filter what you’re going to say more so than hanging with family or best friends? Well I try, I really do, but the problem is responses are expected in a timely manner, so my filter doesn’t work that well with time restraints…and certainly not when I am around guys. It’s not so much that I get flustered (I’m not that girl) I think it just comes from growing up with brothers. I’ve spent my entire life around guys, my brothers and their friends. So I essentially learned to be one of the guys, I mean I am a girly girl in most respects. But my whole, let’s see who can burp the loudest, batman is the greatest hero of all time, and if the opportunity arises to tease someone you take it, thing cancels out the girly! Most guys say they want a girl who can hang with the guys, but I’m pretty sure this is a lie, having guy say “you’re just like a dude” never ends in “so let’s have dinner sometime”.

Who remember’s this movie?

I thought I might give you some examples of my man repellent ways. I was at a concert and a guy walked up to me and some of my friends, he was selling band posters, and he tried to get me to buy one, but I hadn’t any money so I said no. Then he tried to sell some to the friends I was with, they politely said no and complimented him, one said she liked his beard and the other said she liked his shirt. Seriously it never even occurred to me to compliment him to soften the flat-out no he received. Well instead of walking away he looked at me and said “You’re the only one who hasn’t complimented me” wow he gave me a chance to redeem myself and what did I say? I said “You’re pushy…your sales tactics will get you far”. Admittedly he responded quite well to this he gave me high-five and we’re actually friends now. But most guys who have similar encounters with me do not respond as well.

Another not so charming encounter that comes to mind is when I was at birthday party of a friend. Well one of guys she invited sauntered up to me after a while and used the oh so “original” line”Hey I know you right?” Well my mind went into overdrive trying to find something polite to say. I couldn’t think of anything so I just said “No…I don’t think so”. He literally took a step back stammered then said “Ugh ya I mean she just has so many friends so um ya”. Seriously there were so many other polite things I could have said but I cannot come up with anything because I am truly gifted in killing any flirtatious mood.

At this very birthday party I managed to make a complete fool of myself again. At the end of the evening one of the guys I met, and had actually managed to get along with through the party, said that it was nice meeting me and that I was very beautiful. I did my ugly laugh (seriously I cannot even describe how terrible this laugh sounds) then managed a smile and said thank you. I wasn’t laughing to be mean, I just have a really hard time accepting a compliment without getting all embarrassed.

Honestly I think this post does a pretty good job at telling people why I am still single, so the next time someone asks me I’ll just direct them to this post. Do you guys have similar issues? What are some of your worst kill the mood moments? I always love hearing back from you guys. I hope you enjoyed this post and that you’re having a very happy February.